ANOTHER SUNDAY MORNING
The alarm went off early that Friday morning. Carl got up to prepare breakfast for them. She's there, still sleeping soundly on her side of the bed. She must have been so tired all week long with work and all, so Carl decided to to give her some more time to slumber before waking her up. She's still got a couple of hours more before her shift in the office anyway, and he would want her to have her chance to rest a bit more.
As always, Carl tended on his usual everyday routine. He has to make sure everything's ready in the morning before she wakes up and before he sends her to work. A lot would say differently about this set up-- but Carl had grown up accustomed to such harsh commentaries. He couldn't care more about what other people are saying about them, nor about him. All his life, he has been a target of people's coarse judgement, and he can't remember when he mastered how to shut them all out of his system. Somehow, as he was growing up, he perfected the art of not caring at all.
Growing up in a not so typical family, Carl got used to hearing teasing remarks about his life. He never met his father or knew much about his old man other than his name. He remembered wanting to find him when he was younger-- but then just like the many things that he wanted before in his life, somewhere along the way, he also have let go of that as well.
It is a tiresome battle-- to always hope for something, to wish to be better and to be disappointed again and again in the end. That's how Carl feels most about his life. Just like how he hoped to have a family to really belong to, a family that will truly be his, and yet no matter how hard he tried, he always felt like an outsider in his own home. With his mom's new family, Carl wasn't able to learn how to fit it. He loves his mom-- more than anything in this world. She actually is the only family that he has got, and he is sure that she loves him back as much-- he has never doubted that. But he also understands that she has to pick up on her own life after his great father abandoned them. And for that, he can never blame her. But since her mom started to write on the new chapters of her life with her new husband and new sons, Carl seemed to have started to lose his place in those pages.
That was the start of his solitude. He closed himself up to anyone else after that. He became passive-- so as not to hurt anymore. If you care less about things in your life, about the people you are with, then the chance of being hurt will be less as well. He is happy with this scheme. He lives his life as he was suppose to, not attaching himself that much to anyone he encounters. He just did what there is to be done-- passing through his day by day life casually going by with the flow. He has learned to just leave everything to fate and destiny, whatever life brings, then that's what he'll deal with. He forgot how to have vision, how to have wishes, how to have dreams for himself. He forgot how to really want and really love.
He can't even remember the last time he really wanted something, or dreamed and wished for anything. He doesn't even worry about losing anything at all, that's the beauty of it. Without wanting anything, there will be no fear of losing anything, too. That's a nifty credo to live by. No one gets to be left behind, no one gets to be loved less, no one gets to be hurt-- he doesn't get himself to be hurt.
And so when Kim got into his life three years ago, he just let it be. This girl loves him. They can be together and he'll have his someone. And when Kim asked him to move with her a few months later, he did. Maybe now, he will have his own home, his own family, something he can call his.
Breakfast is ready and everything's been taken care of, so he went to wake Kim up. This is the least thing he could do for her. He takes care of her this way. And just like their typical day, they ate breakfast together, she reminded him of some things to be done through out the day and off she went to prepare for work again, and he'd wait 'til night time to come when she gets home.
**a short story version of my novelette project for this year^^
please read on for new chapters to come...