I've never regarded myself as a weak person.
Most of my life-- I have tried to put on a brave face.
I've given it my best shot each and every time.
I've refused to give up.
Life made me tough-- it made me a fighter.
And I took pride in that idea that I could
perfectly manage my life.
Yeah, I once fooled myself into an exaggerated regard
of my own capability to take care of myself.
But then, no matter how strong you try to be--
there will come a time when your foundations will be shaken.
When your strength will be put on the line.
And you'll hail to question yourself and your own capacities.
When you'll get to seek even for your own shortcomings.
You'll ask yourself--
What did I do?
What did I not do?
What could have I done?
Where did did things start to fall apart?
Why did I fail?
And you'll lose even your life long ideals
in face of grave pain and unreciprocated anger.
You'll break down and you'll yield to your own frailty.
You'll find yourself no where to run,
nothing to depend upon.
For you are just you.
Just like I am just me--
I am small,
I am weak,
I am vulnerable,
I am helpless,
I am powerless.
I am nothing in the vastness of this world.
In those darkest hours of our lives,we get to turn to the ONLY SOLACE that there is.
The only source of light.
The utmost fount of love.
The root of all happiness.
The spring that can relentlessly endow our satisfaction.
The eminent meaning of our lives.
The sole giver of mercy that will empty every pain in our hearts.
The author of our lives.
And it maybe a shame that I get to go through toil
just to appreciate HIM more.
Yet I am blessed to be embraced and saved again and again.
A NOTHING in the salvation of GOD--the EVERYTHING.
**a lent reflection